Recently on a popular podcast for women over 40, one of the hosts, Jenn Romolini, said something that’s stuck with me:
I don’t think that confidence is fixed. I think it comes and goes… you can’t count on it.
This resonated because, more and more, I’m noticing things I’ve always been good at aren’t enough to help me feel confident in new situations. (As Marshall Goldsmith once noted, “What got you here won’t get you there.”) Add a dash of ageism (either society- or self-induced, or both), and your self-esteem can plummet.
Researchers call this the “bell curve of confidence,” which peaks early in midlife but tapers off as you roll through your 50s and head towards your 60s. This is why it’s critical to remember that confidence isn’t a skill you learn but an emotion you manage. The trick is believing you’re capable of handling your insecurities.
Assure Thing
Whether you’re experiencing full-blown imposter syndrome or simply feeling off your game, experts agree that shifting your mindset is the starting point. Begin by noticing what’s bringing you down, be it a socially induced case of “compare and despair,” a critical person in your life (i.e., partner, colleague, “friend”), or your own unrealistic expectations.
From there, inventory your achievements. Go as far back as when you learned to walk or ride a bike all the way to doing something you never dreamed possible. The idea isn’t about focusing on the accomplishments themselves but recognizing you can achieve success despite setbacks.
It’s not that we didn’t make mistakes or didn’t fall down while trying and learning. We most likely did. The point is that we progressed and that nothing—neither the good things nor the bad—lasted forever.
With a more realistic view of your abilities and the root causes of your insecurities, you can feel more assured and secure in moving forward.
Confidence Boosters
In addition to personal inventory work, there are a few science-backed techniques to bolster your confidence:
- Stand tall: Your body language can change your circumstances, according to social psychologist Amy Cuddy. Striking a “power pose,” where you stretch your body to take up more space, can give you an instant shot of confidence.
- No yourself: Take your power back by saying no to doom scrolling and engaging in activities that sap your confidence, and yes to things that make you feel potent and capable.
- Don’t believe the hype: Your brain loves telling you stories to keep you “safe” and small. Give that inner critic a rest with a daily dose of meditation.
Ultimately, your ability to regain your confidence is counterintuitive: all you’ve got to do is have faith that you have what it takes to turn things around.
Losing Confidence in What You Do? 4 Steps to Regain Confidence (Lifehack)
