We’ve been around long enough to know that failure isn’t the end of the world. Perfection is just an ideal. And growth is what happens in between.
So why are we so afraid of sucking at things?
Nowadays, productivity is prioritized over play, starting (unfortunately) in childhood. If our kids didn’t start building college resumes or pro-athlete profiles in kindergarten, then we were sucky parents and they’re on the road to nowhere. Or so you were lead to believe.
Middle age has got some new rules, though, as “shitty surfer and all-around-imperfect human” Karen Rinaldi describes in her midlife manifesto, It’s Great To Suck at Something.
The excellence of imperfection
The pursuit of perfection is something we’re wired for. Pioneering psychologist Alfred Adler’s life’s work focused on how our actions are driven by striving to move from inferiority to superiority.
Feeling like we suck is part of the game. We cultivate inferiority complexes that have no basis in reality when we measure ourselves against our perceptions of success — and perfection by comparison with others.
Studies show that rejecting your imperfections can not only crush your self-esteem, but can also lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. Embracing them, on the other hand, makes space for patience, humility, and self-awareness.
That leads to an incentive, as Rinaldi espouses, to suck at something:
I believe there’s an even better argument for living in that sucky space more often. I believe happiness itself is found in accepting, even dwelling in, what we fail to excel at.
How to suck at something
The main requirement is to land on something that you’ll love doing. Maybe it’s a long-forgotten passion from childhood, like painting or acting. Perhaps it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, but were too intimidated to try.
Whatever it is, sucking at it has to mean something to you. As Rinaldi says, “You have to give a shit in order to let go of your desire to excel at it.”
There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain when you when you’re stoked to hang out in your discomfort zone. The fruits of your labor include vulnerability, gratitude, patience, resilience, and grit — the keys to personal growth.
Because in the end, the only thing that truly sucks is staying stuck.
