When I turned 50, I started meditating daily, which helped me ditch anxious ruminating to find bliss — that sweet spot where nothing has to change for everything to be OK.
My delight in meditation has led to two trips to India, both of which coincided with progressions in empty nesting and caring for aging parents. Last time, I had a profound experience that led me to live more consciously. This time, I received this divine inspiration after a deep, trippy meditation:
Don’t try. Just be.
If you’re a Star Wars fan, you might think you’ve heard that chestnut before. But give it a closer look — while Yoda says it’s not about trying but doing, the message I got is about stopping doing things to please others and, instead, being content with who you are.
At middle age, we’ve earned the right to employ that Jedi mind trick — and we’re not the first. The ancients called this phase of life Vānaprastha.
The Third Stage
The sacred books of Hindu wisdom, the Upanishads, discuss the four stages of life: Brahmacharya (student), Gārhasthya (householder), Vānaprastha (“forest walker/dweller”), and Sannyāsa (renunciate).
The first two stages are about acquiring things: knowledge, careers, partners, children, homes. The last stage is about letting everything go before bouncing off this mortal coil.
The third stage is where we are now, and it commences when our hair grays and skin wrinkles, according to the Upanishads. (Clearly, this was pre-Botox, dye, and other emblems of today’s “disappearing life stage.”) Aesthetics aside, it meant lessening responsibilities, so you and your partner could hand off family responsibilities to the young’uns and prepare for enlightenment before death.
I prefer a modern spin: it’s time to stop letting the world define us and instead allow our hard-earned crystallized intelligence to lead us to fulfilling, purposeful ventures for many years to come. (This chestnut is a Brian Clark special, aka the Mentor Method.)
Don’t Die Trying
When I returned to checking email, I found a synchronous missive entitled “Don’t Try,” from Mark Manson, the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck — coincidently, a terrific slogan for Vānaprastha. Manson decided to stop grinding on how to make his next book successful and instead focused on thinking about what he actually wanted to write. Naturally, he’s now off to the races.
Try his prompt as a Vānaprastha exercise:
In one area of your life where you’re anxious to achieve success or love or happiness, try simply giving it up for a while.
What’ve you got to lose? At this point, every failure or loss is a spiritual gain — as is every win. The best thing about the third act is all you have to do to succeed is be your Self.
The Upanishads, Volume I, Translated by Swami Nikhilananda
Don’t Try (Mark Manson)
