You don’t have to be a fan of The Bachelor to be intrigued by its latest iteration: The Golden Bachelor, where 22 women ages 60+ are vying for a 72-year-old widower.
The quest for love is always a crowd-pleaser — as are the catfights — but with this version, the most dramatic moments come from the contestants’ backstories. As showrunner Bennett Graebner told the Washington Post:
One thing that we kept hearing from the women is that they think they don’t feel seen at this age,” Graebner says. “They don’t feel seen in their private lives or their public lives.
This is a critical loss: research shows feeling valued is a basic human need. In other words, “mattering” matters.
The Root of the Matter
Here at Further, meaning and purpose are core themes. Add a sense of personal significance, and you have what it takes to forge ahead. Well-being expert and co-author of How People Matter, Isaac Prilleltensky, defines “mattering” as:
Feeling valued and adding value.
Mattering goes beyond self-esteem or merely belonging — it’s about being heard, appreciated, and feeling like you’d be missed if you weren’t around. Note that a sense of significance isn’t just something you get from others; it’s also a worthy existential pursuit to help you understand the importance of your place in the world.
Take Mattering Into Your Own Hands
There are loads of reasons why you might feel as if you don’t matter so much, from family of origin baggage to discrimination or other unfair treatment. But that doesn’t mean you can’t cultivate feeling significant. Here are a few ways to develop and enhance your self-worth:
- Focus on your strengths: What are you good at that you choose to do because it feels good? That’s the formula positive psychologists recommend you use to define your strengths; once you know what they are, play to them.
- Examine your professional life: Where do you feel capable, commanding, and valued? And when do you feel overlooked and underappreciated? If the latter is your norm, consider finding a new job or clients.
- Assess your personal life: Prioritize letting others know you appreciate them, and choose to spend time with those who reflect that mattering back to you.
- Volunteer: Being cause-driven can help support your feeling significant and essential.
- Practice self-compassion: You can’t demand that others value you (although you can speak up when you’re marginalized). But you can acknowledge that feeling insignificant feels bad and gently question the thought that you don’t matter.
Significance is subjective, so don’t leave it up to others to imbue your presence with meaning and value. Believing in yourself is core to your health and well-being; supporting those two aspects of your life is what ultimately matters.
Want to Believe in Yourself? ‘Mattering’ Is Key. (New York Times gift article)
