If you’ve been following Further for a while, or my podcast Unemployable, you know I think “should” is a dirty word. For some reason, the things you should do never seem to be the things you want to do.
I’m not talking about having a brownie instead of working out, or parking your kids in front of iPads while you chug box wine. I mean living the life you want to live.
In fact, last week’s article on designing the life you want points out that life design rarely lines up with should. Too often, what you “should” do is what someone else, or even society at large, thinks you should do.
So, it’s certainly refreshing to see similar sentiments in the Harvard Business Review. There’s even an anecdote that strikes close to home for me:
- She didn’t hate law, but her heart and soul weren’t fully in it. At some point, despite her many years of schooling and practicing law, she decided to take the leap and try something else: becoming an underground arts entrepreneur.
The more interesting aspect of the article is the tie to another common Further theme — getting out of our comfort zones. Andy Molinsky, a Professor of Organizational Behavior at the Brandeis International Business School, equates “comfort zone” with compliant zone.
In other words, when should systematically overrides the life you want to lead, it’s time to take a critical look at yourself and decide if this is truly how you want to keep going.
Molinsky offers a 3-step assessment to discover whether your comfort zone is actually a compliant zone:
- Pinpoint your area of focus. Identify one specific thing to question, whether it’s something you’re unhappy with or something you want to grow or develop.
- Take a quick inventory of your personal values and passions. What are you passionate about? What drives you? What would you love to do, and what do you care about doing if there was nothing getting in your way?
- Compare your passions to the activity you’re examining. Can you see your own values and driving passions in this activity somewhere? If you can, it’s probably not compliance — or at least not fully. But if you struggle to find yourself anywhere, you may be in the compliant zone, and it might be time to reassess and consider whether a change is in order.
I don’t think Molinsky’s use of the word passion is the best choice. As we discussed last week, you’re more likely to discover your passion from trying new things. So, maybe use the above assessment to figure out the type of life you want to lead overall, and then begin implementing ways to get it.
Look, I know this isn’t easy. It’s no wonder that major life changes often happen after a near-death experience or some other major trauma. But it doesn’t have to be that way — it’s actually all up to you, right now.
Free Yourself from What You “Should” Be Doing
Keep going-
Brian Clark
Further
further: resources
Fair and Balanced
“Proprioception is the feedback loop between the body and brain; it’s the mind-body connection that allows your brain to know where you are in space and thus how your body should appropriately react. By challenging and training your balance, you also fine-tune your proprioception.”
A Key Fitness Component Often Overlooked: Balance
Queso Crazy
You know what sold me on the ketogenic diet? Cheese. (Also guacamole.) I’ve done low carb diets in the past, but avoided fatty foods like cheese in the process, which is something the ketogenic diet requires. How silly of me.
16 Foods to Eat on a Ketogenic Diet
Nirvana Fastlane
If you want to experience the benefits of ego dissolution, you can practice meditation, engage in activities that prompt a flow state, or simply drop acid. Seriously though, recent studies on the beneficial effects of psychedelics reveal some interesting things.
Health Benefits Shared by Psychedelics, Yoga, and Meditation
Sunset Savings
“Whether you’re banking on selling your business as your primary retirement asset or have other conventional investments such as an IRA, real estate or college savings, you face some serious retirement risks. Chief among these: ‘longevity risk’ — underestimating how long you will live.”
7 Wealth-Killing Risks That Threaten Your Retirement
Aggressively Passive
Investors bailed on actively managed funds in record numbers during 2016, preferring the reliability and low costs of index funds — and I was one of them. I’m using Wealthfront; this is my personal referral link if you want to check them out (I save on fees if you sign up).
‘Peak Passive’? Money is Gushing Out of Actively Managed Funds
Trans Europe Express
If you’re looking for the European road less travelled, check out this list of off-the-beaten-tourist-path cities. Selections include spots in Latvia, Slovenia, and Croatia.
7 Less Traveled European Cities That Should be on Your Bucket List
Life’s a Beach
Maybe you’re looking for more vacation than exploration, which means you should check out these stellar beaches. Some of the locations look like they’d be perfect candidates for adventure as well as sun bathing.
March for Change
It’s estimated that this past weekend’s Women’s March was the largest protest in US history. You may be wondering if peaceful demonstrations such as this actually work, and it turns out they do (much more so than violence). Beyond political and social change, a 2010 study titled “The Social Psychology of Protest” found that participating in meaningful demonstrations also changes you — for the better.
How Being Part of a Crowd Can Change You For the Better
Charlatan is Too Hard to Spell
Readers of Further know this is a no-guru zone. This article pulls the curtain back on the “business of guru,” and also lets you know why I don’t do the “write books to get on the speaking circuit” model.
I Was a Self-Help Guru. Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Listen to People Like Me
Let It Go
“Psychologists have found that by distancing yourself from how you currently feel and considering what a situation means in the long run, you are more likely to use better reasoning strategies to resolve conflict.”
To Defuse an Argument, Think About the Future
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