You’ve heard the old expression, “people don’t change.”
But if you really believed that, you wouldn’t be reading a personal growth newsletter. Good for you, because you’ve nailed one of the five traits that make up personality — openness to experiences.
The rest include conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. The acronym psychology’s trait theory uses for these five factors, “OCEAN,” points to the idea that your personality isn’t set in stone — it’s more like a sand dune, according to author Olga Khazan.
Scientists say that people can change their personalities well into adulthood. And what better time for transformation than now, when no one has seen you for a year, and might have forgotten what you were like in the first place?
With a new, post-pandemic beachhead ahead of you, you can dive into becoming who you want to be. What would that look like for you?
A Guaranteed Personality?
For centuries, scientists from Hippocrates to Freud promoted the belief that personality is immutable. Today science shows personality change is achievable. For example, a recent study found that people who used an app daily to meet goals, such as being more conscientious or extroverted, maintained those shifts for three months.
While there’s validity to the age-old “nature vs. nurture” debate of personality formation — both factor in — it’s those “in-between” qualities that psychologist Carol Dweck says can be modified. Change your beliefs, habits, and coping mechanisms, and you open the door to a fresh way of being in the world.
And, relatedly, a new version of you.
Change Your Self
Shifting your personality may seem easier said than done, but there is a simple way to get started. By acting “as if” you were a certain way for just a few weeks, you may find that is you. For example, if you want to be more extroverted, start by saying hello to everyone you see.
Other research shows that simply by writing down what you want to change, you pave a pathway to actualizing new behaviors, like being on time (conscientiousness) or socializing (extroversion, decreased neuroticism).
Keep in mind that making changes to, say, become more emotionally stable can be challenging. Whether you’re learning new habits or working on embracing a growth mindset, self-care is essential. A therapist might help, along with other anxiety-relieving techniques.
This is something I know works. I started seeing a psychologist and picked up meditation to decrease my neuroticism during a pivotal transition (the proverbial empty nest).
Not long after, my husband told me, with a smile on his face, “You’re different.” When I probed how so, he thought for a minute and then said, “Nicer.”
That’s the beauty of personality change. Personal growth is an individual choice, but everyone benefits when you decide to become a better version of yourself.
You Can Be a Different Person After the Pandemic (New York Times)
