I’m having a meta experience: as I’m writing about how we’re more connected with our grown children than previous generations, I’m also fielding texts from my adult kids. One shared Noah Kahan’s newest song, and the other just landed safely in Phoenix for the PGA’s Waste Management Golf Tournament (sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield rager to me).
As a reformed mommy blogger, I’ve had misgivings about our generation’s signature overparenting. From helicopters to snowplows and tigers, it’s a far cry from our latchkey childhoods that ended at 18, when parental support was traditionally cut off.
But put a feather in your cap if you’re still close to your adult kids because empty nesting has officially evolved. Turns out the kids are not only alright; they’re better for your continued involvement and support.
The Parent Trap
We’ve had a damned if you do, damned if you don’t parenting experience. Popular conception says we’ve micromanaged our kids, robbing them of independence-fostering experiences, but what do you expect from people who grew up reading the backs of milk cartons as we ate our Lucky Charms and watched America’s Most Wanted too close to bedtime?
Score one for the slackers: Pew Research reports that young adults 18-34 with highly involved parents aren’t stunted; instead, they’re benefitting from healthy, fulfilling relationships with their folks. And 90% of parents rate their relationship with their adult children as good or excellent.
This isn’t news to adult development expert Karen Fingerman, whose work at UT Austin has revealed many upsides of long-term parental involvement with their grown kids.
Professor Fingerman and her colleague have found that close relationships between parents and grown children protected children from unhealthy behaviors, and young adults who received significant parental support were better able to cope with change and had higher satisfaction with their lives.
“Involvement” includes everything from regular texting to providing advice and emotional and financial support. (And, in my household, meme sharing and Wordle battles.)
Both Sides Now
Even if you don’t have kids, forging a close relationship with a young adult can be game-changing. For example, Oldster pointed out the glorious “new wrinkles added to older acts” at the Grammys when revered moms and pop of rock (Joni Mitchell, Billy Joel, and Tracy Chapman) joined forces with much younger talent (Brandi Carlisle, Freddy Wexler, and Luke Combs).
Plus, hanging with people old enough to be your kids is shown to be an all-around well-being boon. As organizations like CoGenerate demonstrate, it paves the way to a more sustainable, productive future for all.
So, whether you nested or not, there’s nothing empty about staying connected to the young adults in your life. The joys — and benefits — of ongoing intergenerational connection have finally come home to roost.
Parents Are Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives, and Fine With It (New York Times gift article)
