Q: What’s the secret to a happy marriage?
A: Find a partner who can cook and clean. Someone who’s an animal in bed. An individual with lots of money. And then make sure these three never meet.
Nope, this isn’t an intro to a piece about the uber-trendy topics of polyamory and consensual non-monogamy. But it is about a serious subject: how do you keep your relationship thriving until death do you part (without killing each other)?
Perhaps ancient wisdom holds the answer — here’s what Socrates said:
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Hmmm… maybe some advice that’s a little less… chauvinistic? Benjamin Franklin’s works both ways:
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
Then again, perhaps a more contemporary sage, Will Ferrell, nails it:
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
If you cracked a smile, then you’re onto something. A little humor goes a long way in keeping the matrimonial bonds strong enough for the long haul.
Wedded Diss
In our era of the gray divorce, research shows that US divorce rates doubled for the 55+ set and tripled for those 65+ from 1990 to 2021. Sociologists cite increased life expectancy as a primary contributor to this troubling trend, as unions that last 60 or more years are a new phenomenon.
These days, for loving couples to coexist under the same roof for such extended periods of time, they must – among other pressures – undergo a challenging domestication process: whether the toilet seat should be left up or down; mail left sitting, or immediately opened; tinfoil placed in the recycle bin or in regular trash; dirty dishes left in the sink overnight, or cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher before bedtime; the use of subtitles during TV shows, or not.
Add relational boredom to the mix, and you’ve got what couples therapist Terry Real calls “normal matrimonial hatred.” Funny, love alone isn’t enough to counteract festering resentment.
Quit Bickering; Start Snickering
The antidote to relationship-ending vitriol is so simple it’s almost a joke:
Humour, irony, and an appreciation for the absurd are often overlooked by marriage scholars as mindsets conducive to success at love.
There are two types of humor that research shows support stronger relationships:
- Affiliative: Keeping things positive and upbeat
- Self-enhancing: Good-naturedly making fun of yourself (and your shortcomings) and seeing the upside of downers
Plus, a CBS News poll found that a sense of humor was five times more important than sex in building a successful marriage. And that’s a fact — not a punchline. (Please let my husband know it looks like we’re gonna make it after all.)
Why It Takes Humor to Sustain a Long-Term Relationship (Psyche)
